The pain of grief can be heart-wrenching, debilitating and exhausting. But the truth is that we can’t run from it. To really get free from it, we have to allow ourselves to feel and experience it! Ironically, the sooner you fully experience it, the sooner the intensity will subside and you can begin to live your life. It’s like pulling off a band-aid. You can do it slowly and try to avoid thoughts of grief as you try to refocus your attention on your life. However, inevitably you will be overwhelmed by emotions as they surface intermittently in your life? Or, you can go through your grief more quickly by facing the full depth of your pain, allowing yourself to grieve and cry as needed, and getting through it much sooner.
Grief can come over you in waves, intensely, and without a signal that it’s coming. So RIDE the wave. See if you can let yourself experience the pain, the sadness, the tears and all the emotions. Observe them and notice where they arise, how they fall away, and watch as they dissipate. Notice other emotions too, like anger, rage, fear, dread, guilt, or denial. It is very important to feel these feelings, and, to notice what it is you are feeling. As much as it hurts, it is a normal way your body must process grief.
Even as you feel your feelings, I am NOT suggesting that you ACT on them. For example, if you are feeling angry, do not use that as an excuse to yell at your spouse or your co-worker. If you feel guilty, do not sit there stewing in the guilt for hours! Rather, feel what guilt feels like. Where is it in your body? What thoughts and memories are associated with it? Observe your body. Then it will pass. Yes, it will pass.