Some say it starts on the physical level. When we spend time with another person, our body and our subconscious mind recognize the sounds they make, their touch, their look and even their smell. Our bodies produce specific neurotransmitters and hormones that comprise the identity of the other person and that eventually creates that ineffable emotional bond.
When that person dies, our neuro-endocrine system goes into a turmoil, searching for the sights and sounds that match our image and memories of them. Depending on the degree of the bond, the body may even go into shock. Memory can fail, perception can be distorted and other chaotic emotions like fear, anger, disbelief, denial, and sadness can set in. It’s all part of the grieving process.
I want to mention this physiological aspect of grief to remind you to be gentle with yourself and your loved ones who may be grieving. The body response to loss is automatic. It doesn’t have a choice. Therefore, you don’t have a choice. Whether or not you feel that you should or shouldn’t grieve, you will.
What you do have a choice in is how you handle your grief.
So I want to remind you to let yourself grieve and let yourself cry. Crying is an integral part of the healing process. There will come a day when the weeping and grieving are no longer needed. The body and subconscious mind become stable once again and calms down. Until then, allow yourself to experience this natural response to your loss.